The Best Dressed at the Oscar After-Parties

Update: it is the flu. But my fever broke last night, so that’s good news. Cat asked if I was in curlers and a nightgown, Little House on the Prairie style. But I’m on the mend, I’m sure you were all concerned. But I couldn’t finish these posts last night, due to the inability to move. We have our best dressed here. It amuses me when people pick a BETTER dress for the after-parties. AKA Heidi and Olivia, as seen in the last post. Let’s see if anyone jumped to the best dressed list.

Rebel Wilson in Paul Andrew

rebel wilson

She looks fabulous. She wasn’t at the main show, so this is our first look at her. Her hair looks gorgeous, that dress fits perfectly. There’s a known issue with designers that for being as talented as they are, they have no idea how to design for a woman with curves. Or they refuse to design for a woman with curves. It’s why Bryce Dallas Howard (who is a size 6) had to go to Neimans to find a dress. I feel like we’re making all these improvements on women equality, yet the designers can’t catch up. Bummer.

Melissa George in Vintage Dior


Melissa starred on a Showtime show a few years ago that I loved, “Hunted”. It got cancelled after one season. She then starred on the trainwreck, “The Slap” this past summer. She’s trying again with “Heartbeat”, premiering soon. Good luck! If the show is as good as this dress, you might have a winner! I look at this Dior and ask myself once more, why does Dior hate Jennifer Lawrence?

Paula Patton in Tadashi Shoji


Paula has made MANY a bad choices in her life: marrying Robin Thicke and a million awful outfits. But this is a winner. She looks awesome. Tadashi Shoji is one of the few designers who truly designs for every woman. Good job, Paula. Maybe you’re finally learning.

Michele Monaghan in Vintage Bill Blass


I actually really dig this. I’m not sure everyone will agree. I love polka dots, so I was pre-destined to love this. And the length works with this style. Michele is such a supporting character in movies, I wonder if she’ll ever move to lead.

Ashley Green in Naeem Khan

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I need to do a Why are you Famous? on all the former stars of Twilight with the exception of Kristen and Rob. But this dress is gorgeous and a major designer, so Ashley is doing SOMETHING right. Carry on!

Kate Upton in Victoria Beckham

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Sure, holy boobs, but when you’re well-endowed, it’s hard to find the right fit. I often wonder if Victoria actually designs her line, or if she pays people a TON of money to do it for her. Either way, she puts out a good dress.

Minnie Driver in Naeem Khan

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A little low-cut? Maybe! But this dress is GORGEOUS. I love it. I want to own it. Who wants to buy it for me? I love Minnie Driver. Why don’t directors cast her in more?

Jessica Alba in Roberto Cavalli

jessica alba

Who would have thought this woman who had a minor supporting role in Never Been Kissed would run a billion dollar company? I’ve heard Honest products suck, but she sure found a niche market – women who have issues with Pampers and Johnson & Johnson. I love this look. A caftan or caftan-adjacent dress is what I hope to live out the rest of my days in. I wish it was 1-2 sizes smaller, but that’s just nit-picky.

Kate Beckinsale in Romona Keveza

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Another one who doesn’t do much besides attend events. But she always looks pretty damn good. This fits like a dream. My oldest sister, Sara, look A LOT like Kate. I did not get those genes. I should tell her to buy this dress. She seems to go to fancy events.

Nina Dobrev in Elie Saab


Elie Saab has cornered the market in pretty dresses. This is gorgeous. I love the pink belt too. This color only works on a brunette with a good spray tan, which thankfully Nina has. I’ll take this in a color that goes with blonde hair and very pale Irish skin.

Chrissy Teigen in I don’t know


A second gorgeous dress and a handsome date – golf claps! She completely changed her hair. AGAIN, WHO HAS THE TIME? I actually think Chrissy is doing maternity fashion better than she does regular fashion. Maybe she’ll carry it in to her postpartum life!

Zoe Kazan in Gucci

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She had me at gold sequins! I love this! She is obviously dating Paul Dano here. They never take a picture without each other. She was really cute in It’s Complicated but I can’t say I’ve seen her in anything else. Someone cast her!

Sarah Hyland in Blumarine

sarah hyland

Remember how we talked about Lea Michele aging herself? This is what Lea should be wearing. When you are young and hot, take advantage of showing it off.

Malin Akerman in Alexander Kennedy


I’m definitely into this dress. Two years ago, the skirt would have been sheer, because that’s how designers rolled. Thank god they’ve seen the light and moved to my beloved sequins. I want to take a second and talk about how she ROCKS on Billions. Are you watching it? It’s on Showtime and stars Brody Damien Lewis and Paul Giamatti. It is so very good. Check it out!

Anne Hathaway in Naeem Khan


Forgive me Mary, I know you are so upset right now, (we have a mutual dislike for Hathaway) but this is so good. Naeem kind of killed it these Oscars. This is gorgeous and looks very comfortable. If you’re about to pop a kid, a caftan is what you should be wearing.

Selena Gomez in Louis Vuitton


When you see sequins, assume I’m into it. This is gorgeous and fits like a dream. And I love that simple hair. I wonder if Taylor saw this and said “oh shit, Selena wins”. Also, I’m into Selena’s new music.

Elizabeth Banks in Ralph & Russo

elizabeth banks

Elizabeth does a great job of trying really out of the box designs. It doesn’t always work, but here it does. I think this is dramatic and gorgeous. And she carries it well. This would drown about 80% of other actresses, but her confidence shines.

Ok- now my best dressed of the after-parties. This is another Naeem Khan. Seriously, KILLING it Naeem.

Rachel McAdams in Naeem Khan

rachel mcadams

THIS IS BEYOND. I’m obsessed with it. I’m on record as loving her Oscar dress, but let’s be real. She should have worn this to the ceremony. She looks ridiculous in it. The color is perfect on her. Hollywood – keep casting her in roles where she could win an Oscar. Thanks!

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