The Worst Dressed at the Oscar After-Parties

Y’all seem to like the worst dressed list the best. Is it because we enjoy making fun of very good looking people who are successful and have a ton of money? Because I’m ok with that. Let’s see what the stars and “stars” decided to wear that made me go all ?.

Amanda Peet in Oscar de la Renta

amanda

Oye I dislike this. It looks like two garbage bags sewn together. Do we have concerns about Oscar de la Renta, the line, after Oscar de la Renta, the person’s death? Between this and Reese’s dress…possibly. Could you imagine being Amanda Peet? I would spend every single night badgering my husband for Game of Thrones secrets. (He is the creator/exec producer.)

Maggie Grace in Galia Lahav

maggie

When I looked at the thumbnail just now, I tried to remember why I hated this. Then when the full image loaded – I remembered. Those awful sleeves. Rip those off and we’re talking. Will Maggie be remembered for anything besides being the worst on-screen runner ever? I’ll let her keep the sleeves if she tells me why she runs that way.

Gabrielle Union in I don’t know

gabrielle union

Ahhh, to be Gabrielle union. She never ages. She married a very successful basketball player. She wears hideous dresses. This is pretty bad. Just plain bad.

Demi Lovato in Dolce & Gabbana

demi

Oh poor Demi didn’t get the memo either that the sheer look was dead. This is like modern day Scarlett O’Hara with those sleeves. And that hair looks like mine on hair washing day..pre the wash. Demi- you’re on a hot streak, don’t ruin it with poor fashion choices.

Erika Christensen in I don’t know

erika christ

I’m looking for a navy dress to wear as MOH in my best friend/cousin’s wedding next month. I’ve been seeing a lot of shirt dresses like this. Potentially good for a small beach wedding. Not good for an Oscars party. There’s rumors that she has no money because Scientology forces her to hand over all her paychecks. I hope that’s not true, but if it is… GET OUT ERIKA. No one does Scientology anymore. It’s a dead fake religion. Get on board the normal train!

Emma Roberts in Yanina Couture

emma roberts

Emma rarely impresses me on a red carpet. And she didn’t stray from the norm here. It’s like the muslin mock-up of Cruella Deville’s Dalmation jacket.

Emilia Clarke in Miu Miu

emilia clarke

First of all, I can’t wait for Me Before You, the movie starring GoT star Emilia Clarke and Sam Clafin (from Hunger Games). It looks so good. I must read the book first, of course. I wish the top fit better and that black piece of fabric pretending to be a bow pretended to be a piece of trash in a garbage can.

Frieda Pinto in Versace

frieda

 

Yikes. Frieda is GORGEOUS. My kingdom for her genes. So what’s going on here? We have a poorly fitted/constructed crop top. A large pirate’s belt. A wrinkled skirt. But points for color, I guess?

Jessica Biel in Zuhair Murad

jessica biel

No secret, not a fan. Of her. Or this dress. The color is dishwater. Her boobs are smashed. Her hair looks like mine when I tried to use the cone curling iron. You are married to Justin. He fawns over you. Get it together. Can we also take a minute to talk about her new business venture. It’s called Au Fudge and it’s a high end restaurant where you can also take your kids. I have…concerns. A lot. The dress, the restaurant. What’s going on, Biel?

Daisy Ridley in Giambattista Valli

daisy

From one of the best to one of the worst. Why would she have gotten rid of that beyond cool Chanel?? I guess the white flowers on the neckline may be daisies so it’s a theme thing? Hmmm…

Olivia Munn in J. Mendel

oliva munn

ALL the wrong. AND after she wore that killer Stella. This looks like a cage for her chest. And you can’t tell here, but there’s major underboob. This is the Olivia Munn I know and dislike.

Lily Collins in Saint Laurent

lily collins

Gold and sequiny- Maura catnip. But not here. This is so ill-fitting/designed. And I’m usually weary of the mid-slit up the front. Also, has she starred in anything recently??

Amy Adams in Versace

amy adams

Great hair, awful dress. What is it doing to her? Strangling her whole body? There were pictures of her inside the party where she looks HAMMERED. Good for you, Amy. You’re becoming the female Leo of the Oscars – always a nominee, never a winner.

Diane Kruker in Reem Acra

diane kruger

This dress is a literal eye-sore. It hurts to look at. And typically, she can do no wrong in my eyes. Where was Pacey? I’m starting to think their appearance at his play was just for show. Damnit!

Tina Fey in I don’t know

tina fey

This, like Olivia Wilde’s, is so ill-fitting. But it’s dowdy as well. And looks like she’s wearing a matching bra because she couldn’t deal with a strapless. Which… I get you sister, strapless bras suck. Her Versace at the ceremony was so much better! Why change for the worse???

Kerry Washington in Versace

kerry kerry 2

Who is going to let Kerry know that Donatella actually hates her?

Gwen Stefani in Yanina Couture

gwen stefani

I LOVE THIS!!! Even though JLo is on “American Idol” and Gwen is on “The Voice”, they still share clothes!! P.S. Blake – it’s the VF Oscar Party. No excuses for wearing jeans.

Jennifer Lawrence in Alexander Wang

jlaw

AGAIN with the creepy relationship, right??? Let’s talk about what’s wrong with this outfit. The too small crop top needs a big tug up. The safety pin-esque design on the skirt looks like it’s about to pop. The shoes are cute, I suppose. What REALLY concerns me is this:

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Is JLaw becoming Kate Hudson? Because look at her… who incidentally, is my worst dressed!

Kate Hudson in Maria Lucia Hohan

kate hudson

The similarities are becoming eerie. Although, if I had to guess, it’s Kate who wants to be more JLaw. Because get real, JLaw has it going on where as Kate has literally become “Almost Famous”. And she hungers for fame so much. Girlfriend LOVES to show as much skin as possible. And not in a good way. I imagine from a different perspective, I might become intimate with her babymaker. Also, thank you Kate. Because I often want to chop my hair, even though I know my hair doesn’t look good short and it can be very hard to style. And you reminded me that short hair isn’t for everyone. It is for JLaw though.

There you have it! The Oscars coverage is over. See you in 2017!

 

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