A Royal Update

Hi all! Happy first day of Spring!! A LOT has been going on with our favorite royals and I’ve been talking about it with some close friends but realized I neglected to touch base with all of you. We’re coming up on the 6 year wedding anniversary of Will and Kate and perhaps another royal engagement is in our future. A lot to discuss, so let’s dig in!

Do I start with Will or Harry? I think I’ll go Will. SO as you know, Will and Kate have been together for about 14 years, married for 6 and have produced two adorable offspring. Exhibit A:

kate will family

I can’t handle it. I cannot handle the perfection. There’s been little to no scandal with these two. Sure he took forever to propose, but why pressure a guy? He did it in his own time and look how happy they all seem. And of course there was that time Kate sunbathed topless not realizing a paparazzi with the longest lens known to man was spying, but that seemed to blow over. (But seriously, if you have any sort of fame, maybe err on the side of “there’s no such thing as privacy”.)

The only little nag that seems to plague these pillars of perfection is their time devoted to royal duties. Now listen, I only want them out and about so I can dissect Kate’s wardrobe choices and coo over the kids when they’re trotted out. But I get they represent the royal family and even more importantly, a lot of charitable organizations that benefit greatly from their publicity. Some feel that they William has the right to focus on his young family, others feel that if his 90 year old grandmother can be attend HUNDREDS of engagements, so can he. For comparison – last year William was at 188 engagements, his 95-year old grandfather was at 219 and his grandmother was at a whopping 332. And how hard is it to get dressed up to shake some hands, attend some services, etc.?

So that takes us to the drama. Last Monday was Commonwealth Day. It’s a huge day of celebration that recognizes all the 50-some countries that make up the Commonwealth (formerly known as the British Commonwealth). It’s a huge day and the Queen has a large service and expects her entire family to join her. Which…haven’t we all had to go to stuff our grandparents deem important even though we don’t want to go? Isn’t that part of just being a good grandchild? Now add in the royal part of it… and it seems the future King should be there as well. So the entire family showed up to support the Queen, including Prince Andrew who is always sulking that his kids (Eugenie and Beatrice) are being iced out. Oh wait, never mind. Not the whole family. A glaring absence – the Cambridge clan. Nary a sight of Will, Kate, George or Charlotte. PS here’s the Queen rocking her Monday best at Commonwealth Day:

queen commonwealth

Of course, the press questioned “where’s Will?” and his press secretary let them know that the Cambridge Clan never intended on joining the rest of the family. Odd for the future King to miss this, but he must have had a good excuse, right?

ski tripHe was skiing. With friends.


And high-fiving women who are not his wife.

dad dance

And dad-dancing at nightclubs.


Oh Will. Let’s discuss how wrong this is. And let me start off by saying that I do not think he cheated on Kate. I think that marriage is solid. HOWEVER,

a) It was a huge day back at the homestead that EVERYONE attended and you missed out on to go have a little vacay. Was next weekend busy? You couldn’t cut the trip short? I get feeling the weight of your duties on your shoulders but one could argue that you generally live a very fantastic life, so maybe suck it up?

b) If you’re going to skip a big event for a vacation, maybe do it under the radar. Hitting the slopes, rocking out at night clubs, day- drinking with wannabe models? Now you’re not only avoiding your duties, but you’re doing it with such a flippant attitude. It screams “I’m William, I can do what I want”. You’re in your 30s Will, now is not the time for rebellion.

c) The Kate factor. Kate obviously couldn’t go to the event alone because it would have shined a huge spotlight on Will’s absence. (Little did she know that he was going to be all over the newspapers the following day.) So she’s stuck at home with the babes, missing a huge event, all the while her husband is frolicking around Switzerland like a playboy. Rumor has it that she was STEAMED. Obviously, she agreed to the trip, but the aftermath of his decisions made her look like the poor little housewife stuck at home with the kids. NOT COOL.

It all looked bad. Some have reported that Will is really feeling the weight of the upcoming 20th anniversary of Princess Diana’s death (RIP) in August and only days after his ski trip was scheduled to be in Paris, the location of Diana’s death. Ok, well, yes, but, huh? I think raging out with your bros might not be the fix there… But speaking of this Paris trip, I brought out my sharpest body language skills to review pictures of the short jaunt the couple took to the City of Love over the weekend. Would Kate glare at him the whole time? Would she cancel last minute feigning a headache? Would Will wear the shame of disappointing Grams/Queen all over his face?

kate will paris

Nope. They look fantastic. And happy. And I love the Jenny Packham dress. But not as much as I loved this look:

kate chanel

Somewhere in a book of law it is written – “when in Paris, wear Chanel”. This might be my favorite Kate look ever. The coat dress is perfection. I love the bell sleeves. The belt is perfect and doesn’t annoy me the way obnoxious logo pieces can at times. And the bag. Where does one get that bag? Because I need it now.

So what next? I think Will is probably in the dog house. Sent there by his grandma AND his wife. I don’t think they’ll make a statement about it but I do think he’ll have to overcompensate in the coming weeks and months. What can I say, men are idiots and sometimes need a little direction. Because if the “spare heir” who once ran around a Vegas hotel room naked can show up to an event, so can you.

harry commonwealth

SPEAKING OF HARRY. Have you heard? He’s no longer single. And we need to discuss it. Harry has basically dated every hot, blonde Brit in the land. Some have wondered if he would ever settle down. He had the aforementioned dalliance in Vegas and he’s been rumored to have dated and bed many women. Basically he’s been the true essence of a playboy royal. But in the recent years, he has turned over a new leaf. We see him at more and more royal engagements. His love life became non-existent. And he started the Invictus Games – a global event for injured veterans from all over the world. SWOON. Little did we all know that when he went to Toronto to announce the Toronto Invictus Games, he would fall in love. With her:

meghan suits

She’s not blonde. Or British. Or all over the London scene with all the other London socialites. Nope, she’s Meghan Markle. Everyone googled her immediately when the news broke. “Oh, the girl from that show on USA that I’ve never seen?” NOT ME. I am the person who watches “Suits”. I knew exactly who she was. Because if there’s a random piece of trivia about anything, I know about it. I love her on the show and have seen her in the news doing things like, oh I don’t know, going to Africa to talk to the poor, standing of for women’s rights at the UN, talking about growing up biracial. This girl is legit.

Of course, they were only rumors. There were no pictures of them together. No hard evidence of them dating. But when the internet trolls started to have their fun, Harry did the most Prince Charming thing EVER and was like “this is my girlfriend, back the eff off”. Sigh. That is love.

Slowly, they started to show off their relationship.

meghan harry

Harry hit up engagements while Meghan stayed at Kensington Palace playing house.

soho house

They had a bite to eat at the Soho House.

meghan and harry wedding


So is this the real deal? Here’s what I know:

  • The Queen has to approve- by law she has to approve the marriages of the first 6 in line to the throne…and Harry is 5th.
  • Meghan is Catholic and divorced – a former no-no in the eyes of the crown. Those rules have relaxed (just look at Princess Anne and Prince Charles – both divorced, both remarried.) The Catholic thing was settled decades ago as well.
  • While rumors swirled that Harry looked unhappy in Jamaica, apparently that was AFTER a photographer had gotten a ton of pictures of him loving up on Meghan on his balcony. His unhappiness was more likely due to the fact that he was promised privacy and it fell through. The photogs are getting pressure from the Royal Family not to release those pictures.
  • Meghan reportedly wants to quit acting. I’m on board with this because while I like “Suits”, she would most likely dedicate her time to charity. And it wouldn’t be for show, she has years of under-the-radar devotion to charities. Also, she’s not looking to win an Oscar anytime soon.
  • When not filming, she’s been living it up at Kensington Palace.
  • She’s met Will and Kate (and Charlotte!) but not the Queen.
  • Harry is looking to settle down and have children. He’s 32, she’s 35.
  • Her birthday is August 4th, ALSO coincidentally, the Queen Mum’s birthday. (The Queen Mum was Queen Elizabeth’s beloved mother, she passed away in 2002.) Odds in Vegas are that Harry will propose on her birthday.

I will just go ahead and say what we are all thinking: WE WANT ANOTHER ROYAL WEDDING. Grab your tiaras and mimosas and set the alarms for 4AM. Am I right???

I think we’ll get a proposal by end of summer if all stays the course. Now what would be really cool is if he proposed on April 23rd in London at the finish line of the London Marathon. Harry, Will and Kate spearhead Heads Together – their charity that supports those suffering from mental health illnesses. They coordinated a huge team to run the marathon next month.


Here they are doing some practice starts with members of the organization in preparation for the big race. And guess who is going to be at the London marathon this year… ME!!! (Not running, obviously.) The Brit is running and I’ll be waiting for him at the finish line UNLESS (and this is agreed upon), the royals show up. Then I’ll be wherever they are.

Ok so long story short: Will needs to get his act together and come to terms with the fact that this is his life and future and it’s a pretty good life so don’t be an asshat and embarrass your wife. And Harry has his act together and is dating a strong, independent beautiful woman who he should probably propose to. It’s like Groundhog Day up in Kensington Palace, you guys.

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