The Met Gala 2017: The Mehs

So last night was Anna Wintour’s prom. The First Monday in May belongs to Vogue and whoever they deem relevant enough to join them. Every year they have celebrity co-hosts. This year they were Katy Perry (eye roll) and Gisele and Tom Brady (ugh seriously) and the theme was something something Comme des Garçons. I won’t get into the details but know that the brand is of Japanese origins and you can see the influence in a lot of Rei Kawakubo (the founder)’s looks. Think high drama and structure. The goal on Met night is to represent the theme in one’s own creative way. My issue with the Met Gala is two-fold: 1) Some celebs say “screw the theme” and just wear the prettiest dress they can find which is sooo boring and 2) Anna Wintour’s thoughts on who is relevant do not match mine. For instance, Coco Rochas, one of the most prolific models of the last two decades and a staple at the Met Gala was not invited this year. But Kylie Jenner was. Anna has sold her soul to the Instagram star. Be careful Anna, it didn’t work out for the Fyre Festival… 

Let’s dig into the Mehs. The list mostly represents the group of people who played it safe or went complete anti-theme. They should get their invite rescinded next year for not following the rules.

Kim Kardashian in Vivienne Westwood

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Oh Kim. This is snoozy/a little too barmaid for my taste. Also, why are the Kardashian/Jenners still a thing? (I will continue to ask this until they aren’t.)

JLO in Valentino
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Gorgeous dress. Wrong theme. She looks like she just spent a day living in the Valley of the Dolls. But can we talk about her and AROD? John Oliver was on WWHL last week and he was asked about them dating and his response was so perfect. He said, how has it taken them this long to date? Like, all they needed to do was meet and of course they would become a couple. This will end, of course. But they’ll eek out every inch of press before then.

Mandy Moore in Michael Kors
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I’m very happy that Mandy Moore is back on the scene. She’s also in a movie this summer about sharks trying to eat her. I love movies where sharks try to eat people. This is definitely an attempt at the theme. The problem is, let’s be honest, Michael Kors is not a creative enough designer to make this work. He made this dress and was like “ummm doesn’t have enough. Cut of the sleeve and put her in a glove.” Somewhere Tim Gunn is shaking his head. (Side note: Tim Gunn will never attend the Met Gala because he is persona non grata to Anna after he told the press that he once saw her have two men carry her down the stairs after a fashion show. Vogue demanded he recall the statement and he refused. I love him.)

Miranda Kerr in Oscar de la Renta

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Maybe if the theme was Audrey Hepburn? I do like this dress. And I have to give it to Miranda. She was a mediocre model at best and was best known for her marriage to Orlando Bloom. She has stayed relevant through paparazzi shots and her engagement to the CEO of SnapChat. Good dress, wrong party.

Selena Gomez in Coach

 

This made me clap with glee. How pissed is Bella Hadid? They look so happy. Bella can barely muster a smile. My issue with her is that she’s not a great model. She’s riding the coattails of her much more talented sister and it’s BS. And I love Selena Gomez so this is an easy side to pick. This dress is whatever.

Kate Hudson in Stella McCartney

 

I have such mixed emotions about Kate. Who doesn’t love How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? But her star has fallen in recent years. What movies has she even been in? She’s become tabloid fodder and not much more. A shame. This dress is cool but another one where it felt last minute to acknowledge the theme. “Let’s just spray paint her hair!” Also, I’m not a huge fan of being able to see one’s belly button through a dress.

Gisele and Tom Brady in Stella McCartney

 

My comment to known Tom and Gisele foe, Mary, was “is this from Jessica McClintock’s 2017 prom line”? Seriously – I think 1 in 4 girls will sport something serious this May. Also, you are the co-host. It is your job to dress SUPER on theme. This is a snoozefest with no creativity. And I don’t like your blazer, Tom.

Naomi Watts in Stella McCartney

 

 

Was there a sale at Stella that we didn’t know about? This dress is aggressively fine. My issue with Naomi right now is she is SO skinny. The top doesn’t even fit her and it’s probably a sample size. And I think the weight loss accentuates her age. I’ve seen Naomi look a lot better than she does now. She obviously went through a significant break-up so it may be stress induced but I think a cheeseburger might make her really happy!!!

Nicki Minaj in H&M and Comme des Garçons

 

Nicki Minaj starring as Nicki Minaj in the Nicki Minaj biopic. I HATE those shoes. And while she attempts the theme, she couldn’t help but make it about wearing as little clothes as possible with as much fabric as possible. I’m uninspired.

Ashley Graham in H&M

 

Sometimes I list people in a category based on how I feel about them. And that’s Ashley. I am meh on her. This dress is ok. It’s not great and it’s not breaking any records. And I get what she stands for (and I love it). We are not all one size. But she’s become almost Kardashian adjacent in how she dresses and how she clamors for attention and I’m not sure that’s the mentorship you want to lay your hat on.

Keri Russell in Rag & Bone

 

Serious question: Is Keri ok? Like her physical health? Does she needs to see a doctor? She looks ill to me. She can’t even stand up straight which is affecting her outfit. I don’t mind this (the shoes I could leave) but it seems lazy. And the blazer’s perfect fit with the “slouchy” (but honestly just baggy) pants doesn’t match up for me. I do love Rag & Bone’s shoes though.

Katie Holmes in Zac Posen

 

Zac Posen took a Zac Posen dress and added ruffles. Snooze. But let’s focus on what we really care about – Katie and Jamie Foxx. They’ve been dating for years but have never gone public – the most likely reason being there was a clause in her divorce papers with Tom Cruise saying she couldn’t publicly date anyone for 5 years. Insane but I believe it! And guess what this summer is… the 5 year anniversary of the divorce. Expect a lot of Katie/Jamie action. Also, can we talk about how her sneak attack divorce is the best coup ever? She should teach a class in it!

Lily James in Burberry

 

Hmmm. Ok? I guess? I feel like her head might be held on with that choker. And I wish she would go back to blonde. And I miss Downton Abbey.

Claire Foy in Erdem

 

 

I ALMOST put this as best dressed because I LOVE Claire Foy and I LOVE The Crown but that would be a total lie. This is cute but completely off-theme. Why doesn’t she just focus on letting me know when season 2 of her show starts again?

Ruby Rose in Burberry

 

Ruby Rose has sold us on her being totally unique, a bad-ass who does what she wants. (Or attempted to sell us…) So I would expect her to take the theme and run for it. Instead she picked a dress better suited for a presenter at the Golden Globes. This isn’t even Oscar-worthy. A shame, really.

Mindy Kaling in Prabal Gurung

 

Sure fine whatever. Can we talk about how her show has completely gone off the rails? Julia and I discussed it for a very long time last week. They turned one of the best characters (Danny) into a misogynistic a-hole then wrote him off the show. I personally think it went downhill around the time she got lip injections. There’s one more season and I am praying she turns it around.

Emma Roberts in Diane von Furstenberg

 

“Emma, you look so hot, that dress fits you perfectly.” – Emma’s hair stylist

“Emma, you SO will get a part on Ryan Murphy’s next show.” – Emma’s make-up artist

“Crap, there was a theme this year, but I can’t remember what it was. Take this pink fur and everyone will totally love it.” – Emma’s stylist.

Yolanda and Anwar Hadid in Tommy Hilfiger

 

Is Anwar still dating that actress who is 5 years older than him? Did the Hadid’s sell their souls to Tommy Hilfiger? Is Mohammed ever going to marry Shiva? Maybe we’ll never know.

And finally – my biggest Meh of all goes to the queen of the night.

Anna Wintour in Chanel OF COURSE

 

She looks like my office right now. As in, mine is covered in glitter from my co-workers who decorated it to celebrate my engagement (yay!!). I think my office pulls the look off better than Anna. Also, what theme is she dressed for?

Ok there’s a million more dresses to get through. Off to Starbucks for reinforcement.

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