The Met Gala: The Worst

Some of the really hurt. Some of them made my eyes roll out of their head. All of them are bad. At some point these people need to lost their Gala invites, right???

Blake Lively in Versace


SOMEONE thought this was a best dressed. I think it’s mash up of Beyoncé’s last three Met Gala looks. Everyone GUSHES over Blake and Ryan but I feel the fact that they push their loved up persona SO much is suspicious. From what I understand, he’s quite controlling which is part of the reason he got divorced from Scarlett Johannsen. Anyway, yeah I’m not a fan of this dress.

Kendall Jenner in La Perla


I don’t know if you’re aware but La Perla is a lingerie line. And I didn’t post the view from the back that shows that it’s just a thong. I guess when everyone despises you after the Pepsi and Fyre Festival debacles, distracting them with nudity is a good plan.

Gigi Hadid in Tommy Hilfiger

Tommy Hilfiger either designs stuff that ends up on the racks at Marshalls (good joke, Jules!) or attempts at couture that he throws on Gigi. I don’t even know what’s happening here. Also, where is Zayn? That relationship can’t last, right? My advice to Gigi this… a little mystery and absence will make the heart grow fonder. She has real talent and she should work on becoming a little less available and attention hungry.

Kylie Jenner in Versace


BORED. I am just BORED by her antics at this point.

Rose Byrne in Ralph Lauren


Ralph Lauren finally made a misstep. I hate the top of this. And her hair with it. But I love her and her movies.

Katy Perry in John Galliano in Maison Margiela

katy perry

I get that she’s the co-host but if all the attention is already going to be on you, why did you have to go SO over the top? I can’t tell where this dress starts and ends. Nor can I tell what’s written on her veil. And again, how does she consume cocktails?

Kerry Washington in Michael Kors


Wait… what?

Chrissy Teigen in Marchesa


I actually would have really appreciated this if she had cut it off at the mid thigh. The black netting is distracting and unnecessary and puts the dress over the edge. And she doesn’t have hutzpah to carry a dress the way that Rihanna does so she should dial it back a bit.

Julianne Moore in Calvin Klein


For someone who usually has such unique tastes in fashion, I can’t decide why Julianne Moore came dressed as a multi color Christmas tree.

Madonna in Moschino


Yep. Seems about right. Carry on.

Halle Berry in Versace


Imagine how hard it is to be an aging actress in Hollywood that you have to go half-naked with a butt cape to feel relevant.

Hailee Steinfeld in Vera Wang


YOU GUYS. The word on the street is she is dating Justin Bieber. So we know SOMETHING is wrong with her. Also, seeing this outfit makes me question looking at Vera Wang for wedding dresses.

The Olsens


Do you think they got a 2 for 1 deal on oversized black granny panties?

Amy Schumer in Zac Posen


ANOTHER star who hates the Met Gala but coincidentally has a movie coming out so she showed. Amy looks so uncomfortable in high fashion always. It brings down everything she wears. But also, I just plain don’t like this.

Elle Fanning in Miu Miu


Not only is this SO off-theme but it also looks like something Kate Hudson wore to a movie premiere in 2003. Don’t bring child games to the big stage.

Felicity Jones in Erdem


I have this theory that Felicity Jones slept with her stylist’s boyfriend but never realized it so she doesn’t realize her choices are actually part of a huge revenge plan.

Zoey Deutch in Tory Burch


Do you watch Southern Charm? If you do, you probably already know that Craig has taken up sewing. Because there’s no better distraction from taking the bar than getting into the fashion business. The reason I bring this up is I look at the craftsmanship of this dress and think, even Craig Conover could make this.

Jessica Chastain in Prada


Belle called, she wants her ballgown back.

Rita Ora in Marchesa


This is how warped this invite list is. Rita at some point was a singer. At least I think she was – gun to head, couldn’t name a song of hers. Then she took over hosting duties for America’s Next Top Model when it moved to basic cable. Which she only held for a year before Tyra was like, nope, taking the show back. And Anna is like, sure – invite her! And Marchesa is like – grab the Christmas decorations and wrap this one up!

Zoe Kravitz in Oscar de la Renta


I really am not a fan of this. I don’t like the color, I don’t like the black foam bubbling up around her. I DO like her performance in Big Little Lies.

Mary J Blige in La Perla


I will repeat myself, La Perla is a lingerie designer. Stick to what you know…

Sarah Paulson in Prada



Lily Collins in Giambattista Valli


The hair style seems a little insensitive to me. And the dress looks like the underbelly of an 19th century ball gown.

Leslie Mann in Chanel

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 01:  Leslie Mann attends the "Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art Of The In-Between" Costume Institute Gala at Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 1, 2017 in New York City.  (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)


I really really really despise this dress color. Like I want to color it in on my screen. Where are my magic markers?

Thandie Newton in Monse




Contempo Casuals called. They’d like their drawstring, velvet dress back. (You can send the headpiece to me, though.)

And my worst dressed. Absolute worst dressed of the night. Of which there many contenders. Even the mehs could put up an argument for worst dressed. But the one that made me shake my head in disgust was…

Bella Hadid in Alexander Wang


I was listening to Entertainment Weekly radio on Sirius today (as I often do) and they were talking about how Bella Hadid was one of the thirsty models to hawk the Fyre Festival and one of the hosts said “wait, I know who Kendall Jenner is, but who is Bella Hadid? Is that the girl from Twilight?” I laughed my ass of. Hilarious. Bella should send a fruit basket to Gigi on a weekly basis. She does not have the chops for modeling but yet books job after job. And she will do ANYTHING for a like. Including wearing a lace (is that lace?) onesie that has a super low back. What story are you trying to tell, Bella? Were you trying to send a subliminal message to The Weeknd? Because we are all reading you loud on clear. OH and that’s not a wig. That’s a haircut. That she got by choice. Then let someone style into a mom bob that is in the process of growing out. I sound mean but in my defense, I think I’ve actually been pretty chill today. Anyway… I long for the days when Instagram follower status doesn’t solidify your abilities to do something. OH AND she was also smoking in the bathroom. Of a public museum. GROSS.

Well that’s a wrap on the 2017 Met Gala. Do we think people are slowly finding the whole schtick old? I might be. I mean, trust me, I look forward to the fashion all year. But with everyone going for optimal attention vs. fashion greatness, the excitement has slowed for me. But either way, I’m sure will see you, the First TUESDAY in May next year!

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