The 2018 Met Gala: The Worst

 

Oh boy. I am about to get snippy over some of these looks. You can really tell who loves fashion, and who just wants their name on a website. This list ranges from people who just totally phoned it in to others who maybe stopped at a costume shop on their way to the event. I seriously think that Anna should put you on probation if you bomb your look. The same people go every year and continue to disappoint. There has to be other she could invite, right?? Bottom line, less Kardashians, more Lena Waithe.

Riley Keough in Louis Vuitton

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This is just so bad. It’s like fancy sleeveless polo meets Great Gatsby? With some gloves?

Alexa Chung in…Alexa Chung

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If this was her shot at getting her designs (which, she designs clothes now?) into the pages of Vogue, this was not her best foot forward.

Paris Jackson in Stella McCartney

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I have ALL the concerns. 1) Paris Jackson is currently famous for being Michael Jackson’s daughter. She needs to find a business. You can use your connections to get a job, but at least get a job! Like props to the Hadid’s for working their butts off, right? 2) This is hideous. Stella McCartney used her connections to get a job. The problem is… she’s not very good at it. And my concern is that she’s designing Meghan Markle’s dress. Please do not let it be true!!!!!!!

Ruth Negga in Louis Vuitton

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It’s one step forward, 18 steps back with LV.

Selena Gomez in Coach

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Oh Coach, you’re meant to design handbags and wallets. Stay in your lane. Also, that spray tan is AGGRESSIVE. That hair is messy. That dress is bad. Oh and bonus, nothing to do with the actual theme.

Scarlett Johanssen in Marchesa

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WOW. Ok first, the dress. It’s Marchesa of 2008. It’s off theme. I do not like what ScarJo is doing with her hair. Just thoroughly confused. Second, Marchesa. I have issues here. In my opinion, there’s no way that Georgina Chapman was blind to what her husband was doing. Rumors swirled for years. There’s no turning a blind eye to that. But she reaped the benefits. It’s already come out that Weinstein funded a lot of the early days and that he forced his stars to wear the brand. I don’t like it. And it takes balls to represent the brand when they haven’t done any damage control nor taken any responsibility for allowing Georgina’s husband bully people into advancing the brand. And then to do it unsuccessfully. That’s going to be a NO for me.

The Olsens in The Row

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I’m really nervous about Mary Kate. She does not look good here. As in, no one’s cheek bones should pop like that. Also, I have a bone to pick. If you are a designer and designing for THE fashion event of the year and you’ll be wearing these designs, why would you not knock it out of the park? WHY? A caftan and a black thing? However, shoutout to some awesome jewels styled by Alex Valich’s mom!!

Kylie Jenner in Alexander Wang

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I just did a deep sigh. Guys, how did we let this happen? And by this, I mean Kylie’s everything. She’s 20. She’s had more plastic surgery than Jane Fonda. She’s trying to glamorize being a young mom. And she wearing dumb sunglasses. And I don’t want to hear that she’s a businesswoman. She injected her lips and Kris slapped her name on some lip gloss. Don’t be naive, guys.

Kim Kardashian in Versace

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I just did a deep sigh. Guys, how did we let this happen? Her husband just used his enormous reach to say that slavery was a choice and she gets to throw on a couple gold crosses and everything is ok? NOPE.

Salma Hayek in Altuzarra

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UNACCEPTABLE. Your husband owns half the major design houses. You do not show up in birds.

Miley Cyrus in Stella McCartney
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Stella strikes again!!! I expect more from Miley. And shame on Stella for thinking this was good enough to send down the red carpet at the MET GALA.

Kendall Jenner in Off-White Virgil Abloh

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I am not familiar with this brand. And I’m not opposed for stars using this night to showcasing lesser known designers. I AM opposed to bell bottoms with trains.

Gisele in Versace

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It’s bad enough to not give an F about the theme, it’s even worse that it’s just a bad dress. It’s sloppy. It’s poorly tailored. The color is muted. And in pictures elsewhere, even her date was trying not to laugh. (Picture c/o Mary Petzinger)

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Cindy Crawford in Versace

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Now I’m pissed. Donatella was the CO-CHAIR. Why didn’t she say “NO CINDY, you are a SUPERMODEL. You will wear on-theme. You will not wear my name in such an affront to the spirit of the night”???? I never realized she was such a pushover.

Tracee Ellis Ross in Michael Kors

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Shailene Woodley in Ralph Lauren

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From far away she looks like a Samurai Crusader with nun sleeves. It’s just a LOT of look. BUT her new movie about being stranded in the sea with Sam Claflin looks good!

Claire Danes in Marni

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This is a woman who wore a light up dress when the theme was technology and fashion. So do I hold her to a higher bar? Absolutely. And from what I see, I’m nervous she’s going to turn around and the back is going to be brown.

Kris Jenner in whatta ya know, Tommy Hilfiger

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This just looks cheap. The satin bits look like polyester. The haircut looks like Beiber. The feathers look… bad. Khloe obviously just had her baby, but does she ever get an invite? What about Kourtney? Definitely not Rob. But Kylie does? There’s rumors that Anna Wintour’s retirement might be imminent and I’m wondering if a new generation of Vogue editors might bring some traditional sense back to the magazine instead of a rotating circle of Kardashian/Jenners and Hadids. I’d be ok with that.

Zoe Kravitz in Saint Laurent

zoe-kravitzWhy go with the theme when you can just distract them with massive amounts of skin? One quick pull on one of those bows, and the whole thing comes down. I feel like Zoe is above this attention getting garb. Even Hailey Baldwin covered up.

Katherine McPhee

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I really actually hate this dress. Why isn’t it lined? Why is it that color? Why didn’t she do her hair? But I REALLY need to unpack this Katherine – David Foster thing. Listen, I was only a psych major for a semester in college but I feel like Katherine McPhee might have some issues that stem from older men. First, she was married to that guy twice her age, then she cheated on him with another man who was much older. Now she’s with David Foster. Hold on, let me do some quick research… Ok ready for this? He is twice her age (he’s 68, she’s 34). His granddaughter is 8. Which means… Katherine is closer in age to his GRANDDAUGHTER than to him. I don’t know guys, I’m just thinking out loud here but it doesn’t sit well with me. And if it’s not a psychological thing, is it a “advance my career at all costs” thing?

Donatella Versace in Versace

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I OBJECT SO HARD. She is the co-chair. She is a designer. Two things that SHOULD bring us Catholic insanity in the form of fashion. She even went with Anna to meet the Pope, and I assume get some design ideas. If no one is going to follow the rules, why even have them? I think Anna has gotten herself into bed with too many people. She’s lost her edge. Take control, Anna!

Bella Hadid in Chrome Hearts

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Remember when Chrome Hearts was a line of sweatpants that Joan wouldn’t let me buy even though everyone else’s parents let them? They should stick with that.

Amal Clooney in Richard Quinn

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First, let me drop some knowledge. Richard Quinn is a British designer who just won an award from the Queen AND she even showed up at his fashion show. What a get. So he’s clearly on the radar, on the rise, ready to burst into the scene. THIS is not what I would have banked my future on. The pants under skirt thing is TRICKY and rarely effective. It definitely does not work for me here – the satin is bunchy. The bustier has a lot going on and starts to compete with the design in the skirt. And the skirt, while fabulous, is a stretch to the theme. How did these women all drop the ball??? Also, I’ve read some blind items that said, basically the Clooney twins live with nannies in LA, Amal is teaching in NYC and gets together with George for dinner every once in a while. Larry Flick, a fantastic interviewer who has a show on EW Radio on Sirius does not think they will last. I, however, think that they are way too obsessed with their reputation to let a divorce tarnish it. Thoughts?

Kate Moss in Saint Laurent

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This made me laugh so hard. It’s like she took a black dress from Forever 21 and super glued some feathers on it. I hate the shape of this style of dress. How it’s boxy around the torso then tight around the thighs. This is just lazy,

You know who wasn’t lazy? My worst dressed pick…

Katy Perry in Versace

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When I was in third grade, I was in our church’s Christmas pageant and I got the role of one of the angels. This was a big deal. Most of the class was “chorus”. You had your big wigs – The Marys, The Josephs. But the angels – we had our own song and we got to wear halos and wings! A dream come true. I remember going to the costume story with Joan and picking out my wings. The elastic straps that went around my shoulders had silver sequins! What a day! Why am I telling you this? Well I’m wondering which costume shop Katy Perry got her wings at, because I definitely didn’t see those at Party City. Everyone went WILD for this “daring” look. I think there’s high fashion thematic choices and then there’s “look at me in my costume that has to do with religion that I put over this Versace dress” choices. Katy Perry has never been shy about her love of attention and this just was overboard. She wasn’t even one of the co-chairs. Which leads me to one positive thing – at least she thought about the theme. How did Versace send both this and Cindy Crawford’s snoozefest down the same red carpet??? It makes no sense!! (PS this dig at Perry is not because of her T Swift feud- she actually squashed it yesterday so I’m moving on.)

Another year in the books. FYI they all immediately changed into scraps of clothings for the after party, but that was a whole other mess that I can’t get into right now.

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